Thursday, November 10, 2011

vermin, Fugees, the fiasco of fleece blankets

People, I am a giant coward.  I am also not a lover of animals.  These two facts are pertinent when you consider the fact there appears to be a squirrel or some large heavy animal (raccoon???) living inside our kitchen walls.

This animal keeps making loud noises that sound like it is dismantling the interior of the wall, strip by strip. This only ever happens when I am at home, alone, at night.  Like RIGHT THIS MINUTE. (Psycho killers I have a large rabid raccoon in my kitchen, do not make me unleash it on you.)  Do I go to bed?  Pretend its not happening?  I have called the exterminator company that is literally steps from my back door and it has not returned my (frantic, increasingly desperate) calls.

If I wake up tonight with a raccoon in my bedroom I am going to be mighty pissed.

Recently  I was speaking with a young man who had been at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. On his phone he showed me a poor quality video of a man singing; when I asked who it was he said "its Wycleff Jean--he was a in a group called the Fugees, they were a big rap group--he's a big singer, he's on the radio."

Uh, yes, I have heard of this newfangled thing called the radio.  Also, The Score was released in 1996, when you were in diapers, young man, and I had a copy on cassette tape, you might not know what that is, they were these little plastic boxes with a reel of plastic tape inside, you could record music on them?  So, actually, I do know who Wycleff is THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  Where is my cane, so I can beat you with it?

If he had said it was some guy from Kings of Leon, I probably wouldn't have been so insulted.

Last week we started swim lessons for the first time.  It was...oy, a post in itself.  Lets just say that I have not been frazzled enough to cry in public because of my children's behavior in a very long time, but I came very very close that day.

Anywhoo, today was the second day of swim lessons, which went better, partly because I got a sitter for the afternoon so I could leave the youngest one at home.  However, upon arriving at the pool, I discovered that I did not grab the appropriate bag full of towels and fresh underwear.  No, I grabbed a bag of fleece baby blankets.

Fleece blankets, if you are wondering, are not very absorbent.

Peter stole someone else's towel for the second week in a row.

That animal is STILL JACKHAMMERING IN MY KITCHEN.  I am waiting for it to bust out of my dishwasher any second now.  Someone please send an exterminator.


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