a letter to the fashion industry

I have a complicated relationship with fashion.  For the most part, I just don't care much. I'm a stay at home mom with three kids under five.  As I write this, the shoulder of my shirt is smeared with snot because the baby has croup with a very runny runny nose.  About waist high I have more snot smears from the 2 year old's crying hissy, and my pants and shirt have maple syrup and chocolate smeared on them from the chocolate chip pancakes the two year old requested for lunch. There's also some unidentifiable white streaks...Bisquick maybe?  So were I to wear something pretty, it would be ruined in a matter of minutes.  (Hear that, Stacey and Clinton?  There's a reason SAHMs wear crappy clothes.)

Also, if I were given the choice between spending $1000 on new clothes for myself or a new sofa, I'd pick the new sofa.  Given the choice between $100 for new shoes for the kiddos or a pretty outfit for myself, the kids are getting new shoes. (The amount of money I spend on shoes for three children is cringe-worthy.) 

For the last five years, I've either been pregnant or breastfeeding. (Stylish nursingwear is an entirely separate rant.)  I've gained and lost 50 lbs every eighteen months for the last 5 years.  My wardrobe is kind of limited.  I don't want to buy a ton of clothes in bigger sizes, because I don't intend to stay at that weight long,  I tend to buy what I consider disposable clothing---Target, Old Navy, $10 shirts, $20 sweatpants--knowing that I'll only be wearing them a few months until I grow/shrink out of them.  Then I get pregnant again.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

HOWEVER.  Having said that.

I would like the option of buying a pretty outfit THAT FITS. 

To the Fashion Industry: there is a veritable army of forgotten women out there wearing sizes 10 through 16.  Whenver I go shopping, all the size 10 through 16s are sold out.  All the 0s and 2s are still there on the hangers.  There's plenty of clothing out there for the smaller girls.  There's a number of plus size retailers.  But what about the ladies in the middle?  I'm on the bigger side of small, or the smaller side of big.  And clothes that fit me are rarely the styles that look awesome in a size 2. 

The middle ladies also like to buy nice clothes.  Clothes that do not hug one's derriere or climb into uncomfortable places.  Clothes that cover modestly yet do not drape in a tent-like manner. Clothes that are attractive.  Is that so difficult?  Having a large behind (or large anywhere else) is not a crime. Please provide clothes for us. 

I do not want to wear cap sleeves.  My upper arm chub would like to be covered with a decent sleeve. 

I do not want to wear the short skirts/dresses that seem to be in fashion this season. Yes, I have knees, and occasionally my knees see the light of day.  Rarely, however.  My upper thighs however, have not seen daylight in YEARS.  Kindly help me continue that trend. I assure you, no one wants to see my chicken hairs or my ham hocks, and short swooshy skirts are not attractive on anyone but teenagers, and why are you trying to sexualize a bunch of hormonal youngsters that don't need your help getting pregnant anyways?  (I'm looking at you, Old Navy.)

It seems like all the cute dresses this year are not only short, but also cut very very low, both front and back. The girls need support.  From large, thick-strapped over the shoulder boulder holders.  This tiny string bikini-top look does not go well with my granny bras.  Can you make a dress that actually has fabric on the shouders that would allow one to wear a bra? I feel like most dresses out this year do not cover much and encourage skin cancer.  

I spend a lot of money. Lots of it.  (Just ask my husband, he'll tell you how I spend money.) Most of it is spent on the kids.  Some of it on the house.  Very little of it actually on myself.  But guess what, fashion industry.  I don't spend it on myself because I have a hard time finding stuff that fits.  Make me some pretty clothes in larger sizes, and I assure you, lots of women just like me will buy clothes.

I went shopping this morning for some cute dresses.  I came home with more yoga pants.  Because that's what fits.