Friday, December 16, 2011

HALP--send guns and ammo

Last night the rabid squirrel was jackhammering away in the kitchen for over TWO HOURS. I think it is eating the house from the inside out.  Of course, I was home alone with only sleeping children for company the entire time.  I awoke this morning to this:

and this:

That would be a half-eaten sponge and three bear traps with the bait stealthily eaten, in a flagrant middle finger gesture to the human inhabitants of the house.  

I believe this means that the rabid squirrel has effected entry into the interior of the house.


Here is where some people would be all "bring it on like Donkey Kong, oh its already been BA-RAW-TEN".  But I am a person who prefers to enjoy wildlife from behind a thick pane of glass, and I really just want this DAMN SQUIRREL THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE, never to darken our door again.



  1. "Here is where some people would be all "bring it on like Donkey Kong, oh its already been BA-RAW-TEN".'

    You rock! Go away demon rabid squirrel!!

  2. There's only one place for beasts of any kind, and that's outside, and dear heaven, I hope you get that squirrel evicted from your place somehow soon!

    Last summer a bird got trapped in my garage and wouldn't leave. I was terrified, and home alone, and it spent hours chirping right outside the door that would allow it entrance into my house if I dared open it. My mom had the nerve to suggest I go out there, scoop it up with my BARE HANDS and release it back into the wild. The answer to that was a resounding curse word. She eventually labeled me a chicken ("No, mom, it's a robin," I replied. Always the funny one...) and came over to release it. WITH HER BARE HANDS!!

    Cut to today. I'm in the house and I swear I hear a bird chirping right outside the door that leads into my garage from the living room. Nonsense, I thought. I closed the garage door immediately upon reentry this morning, so there was no time for a bird to get in. Well, fool me. A couple hours later, I open the door to go run some errands, and there WAS a bird trapped in the closed garage, and that bird was not happy! It dive bombed me and then went ballistic at the noise of the garage door opening. It slammed into walls and boxes in a horrific bid for freedom. It was also likely confused by my screaming. I can't say I blame it. I can, however, say I succeeded in not having to touch it with my bare hands!

  3. FADKOG--omg, the horror. I would lose my mind if a bird divebombed me. If I even SEE this squirrel in my kitchen I will lose my mind.


Yay! You're commenting! I love comments!